as promised...

My ribs. It's a mirror image.

Missions

I have never studied the Bible.

I have read the Bible. Most of the books. A few of them more than once. But I have never actually studied it.

I was thinking about that the other day and it bothered me. So I decided that I would start.

But where do you start? Genesis was my obvious first thought. It's the first book. It's the beginning. Literally. However, I have started reading Genesis twice as many times as I have finished it. I have a hard time getting through Old Testament stuff. Not that I think it's not relevant, because it absolutely is. But because it's not written the way my mind works. If that makes sense?

So I prayed about it and kept coming back to Philippians. When I first became a Christian, one of my best friends, Brielle, and her mother randomly and continually quoted 4:6-7 to me. And 1:21 is tattooed around my right ankle. So that's where I started.

I haven't even gotten into the reading yet. I have researched Philippi. I have read through outlines of the book itself. I have researched different themes. And Paul. The author of the letter to the Philippians. I have researched Paul. I have read more in Acts than I have in Philippians. He started out as Saul. Hated Christians. Killed them. Then he met God. Became a follower of Jesus. Lost his eyesight for a few days. Got it back. And became the first and arguably best missionary since Christ.

So in the most intense, hard-core Bible studying that I have yet to do -- a Bible study that, at this pace, will not be finished before my life is over -- God leads me to missions. Right off the bat, I am learning about the life and ministry of a GREAT missionary.

I can dig it.

I just spent about 3 hours learning all of this, so it's on my mind. So now it's on your mind. You are welcome.

Love, KT

This is not goodbye.

I am too tired to post a real blog right now and I have to get up early for my LAST day at Scooter's. It's sinking in now. This next 24 hours full of saying goodbye to everyone is not going to be fun. I really will miss everybody...but I know Illinois is where I'm supposed to be, so that makes it easier.

Don't know when I'll be posting again, actually. Probably not until I have made the move.

Wish me a safe drive!

Ankle Tat

I'm going to go ahead and take this opportunity to explain my other tattoos. (I have 3). Still haven't taken a picture of my side...my camera batteries are dead. Look for it tomorrow.

So tonight is my ankle tattoo. There's not really a lot to explain.

On the top of my foot is an abstract picture of Jesus on the cross. And then around my ankle is a Bible verse (Phil. 1:21) For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Basically...Christ died on the cross for me. That is such a powerful sentence that we say without eve

n thinking about it.

Christ--the Son of the God who created the universe. The only Son. Completely God. Completely man.

died--was murdered. After severe torture...physically and spiritually. Beaten until unrecognizable. Nails driven through his hands and feet. Every single friend he had turned away from him and acted as if they didn't know him. And while He was on the cross, he held every single sin we have ever or will ever commit. It was so ugly, that even GOD turned away. Which is more to bear than any of the previous stuff.

me--sinner. inherently evil. nobody special.

Christ died for me.

So the least I can do is live for Him. While I am alive, I should strive to live the way He wants me to. I will always fail and I w

ill never live up to expectation. But I will always try. That means that sometimes I don't go along with "fun" activities if they will cause me to sin. Don't get me wrong, I falter. But I try. But I do this with the knowledge that when I die, I will go to heaven. Because Christ is the only way to get there, and I have committed myself to living the best I can for Him. So to die is gain.

That's it. I'll explain the wrist one tomorrow.

=)

2 days. Crazy.

Love,

Kaitie

Rapture

Ahem...

I got a tattoo last night. =)

There are currently no pictures yet because it is still very sore and red. I will probably do that in the near future though so all of you can see it.

I am going to take this opportunity to explain it though. I have been thinking about this one for quite a long time now and finally just went in and did it this week. It basically takes up my entire left side...up kind of high on my ribs.

There are three different parts. The biggest part is the outline of Africa. It's a turquoise color. And it's not the definite rigid outline. More of just a suggestion. But you can definitely tell that is what it is. It is really a ton of swirly black lines and where the outline of Africa is is the turquoise part. You will see in the picture. But because I have done missions there and am planning on going back, it just makes sense to me. Kind of making it a visual commitment...? Or something like that.

Inside Africa is a bird flying. A flying bird. A bird in flight. It's a picture from a journal that I have and I just love the way it looks. It is beautiful and free. And I have a weird fascination with flying. I love doing the ripcord at worlds of fun, I desperately want to try skydiving (and hopefully succeed....), and I LOVE flying in planes. I wanted to be a flight attendant for a while just so I could get paid to fly. Plus it makes sense with the tattoo and kind of ties the other two parts together.

The third and final part is the word "rapture". Rapture is a state of being carried away by overwhelming emotion. I have always loved just the way that word sounds and the biblical sense of it. And then I recently looked it up in the dictionary and it struck me how much it makes sense with my experience in Africa. And I am sure my future experiences in Africa will bring much rapture as well.

So there you have it. Pictures to follow.

PS--homeward bound in t-minus 3 days-ish. Starting to sink in. I am really going to miss my friends and family here. But I talked to Mindy today and I am so ready to start life in Cowden. I am blessed.

One week

Well...a week from now, I will be sleeping in my own bed.

My feelings on this are mixed. I am sad to be leaving. Living with Jenny has been an amazing blessing. Ugh...I love that girl. And we've always wanted to be roommates, so it couldn't have been more perfect. I am going to miss her more than I realize...I know that for fact. And Scooter's. It has been my second home for the last 2 years. I am friends with basically everyone who works there. Seriously. We hang out. I am going to miss every aspect of working there. The atmosphere, the people...ugh. And just everyone in Omaha...all the people who have been a part of my life for the last 4 years. Wow...I can't believe I have lived here for 4 years. And I still get lost on a daily basis...

But I am so excited to be going to Cowden. I miss the Boyds like mad. Talking to Mindy whenever I want. Tim's dumb...I mean...clever jokes. Grace, Will and Eden coming in my room and hanging out. Yeah...definitely looking forward to that. And my bed. Wow...I miss my bed. Like...a LOT. I got this new mattress not too long ago...you don't care. Nevermind. But yeah. I miss my bed.

I am also very much looking forward to a kind of "starting over". Not all the way cuz the Boyds will be there, so that will be a kind of "back to normal" thing. But SOOO much is going to be new. A new town, first of all. It's small, but I guarantee I will get lost. Guarantee. A new job. FYI I have an interview at Starbucks. I am not a huge fan of their coffee...probably won't drink as much as I do here. It will be similar to Scooter's, but it will not be Scooter's. (See the paragraph prior where I ramble on about Scooter's.) And school. New school, new major. NEW.

Here is my plan now, for those who don't know...

I am leaving for Cowden, IL next Saturday morning. I'm spending my first week or so getting acclimated and finding a job. Starbucks is the frontrunner at this point, but I'm also thinking I will try to get another night job at a restaurant or something. I am not starting school until January, so I might as well make money.

In January I will start school at Lake Land College, which is not too far away from Cowden. My goal is to get my Associate's of Applied Science degree in Paramedical Services. That's the long way of saying...I'm going to go to school for two years to be a paramedic.

Long term--Missions. I want to go back to Africa with every fiber of my being. And I've been getting a lot...a LOT...of affirmation that I should be doing missions. But right now is not the right time and I don't want to jump the gun on something I am not prepared for. So I'm going to start on this career path with the goal of AFRICA in the front of my mind every step of the way.

That's it. I'm tired and I gotta get up for church in the morning, so I'ma peace-out now.

Love ya'll.

Kaitlin

PS--I just talked ghetto and southern in a matter of two sentences. Not sure how I feel about that.

Work Dork

I am a work dork. I am sitting at my coffeeshop right now. I worked for six hours earlier this morning. I am not working right now. I am clocking back in at 7 to help close. Basically, I've been here all day.

Update other than that...I just got done being the proxy manager while my bosses were gone. Busy busy. Living with Jenny has been great. She's a work dork too. She's currently working on her gradebook. ON A FRIDAY NIGHT! Yep.

Going to Illinois on Sunday-Wednesday to find a job (fingers crossed). Looking forward to seeing the Boyds and getting acquainted with my new town.

Other than that....that's all.

Jenny stole my pencil. Bitch. Hahahaha...

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents!!! Love you!!

Taking my final final tonight. It's over genetics, which I love. And evolution, which I'm neutral about. But it's easy. I'm ready for it, and I'm ready to be done. Just means the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. (Trying to be more positive about change comes out in stupid cliches. At least I'm trying. Step off.)

=)

Looking forward to the weekend. Working a lot while my bosses are gone. Going out Saturday night somewhere. Going out for celebratory school's out sushi Sunday night. Good times.

Change

Have I ever mentioned that I hate change? Cuz I do.

And not a huge fan of decisions either.

For the record.

Still Here

Sorry it's been a long time. Lots going on.

Went to Illinois last weekend...I think I like it :) Definitely missing the Boyds and trying to get used to the adjustment of going from living with them and their 3 little kids to just me and Jenny. But I am having a blast and Jenny is very patient with me and we have fun, so that's all I can ask for. Love that girl.

Been drinking lots and lots of caffeine lately. Not good for me, I know, but for now that's just what's happening. Once classes are done and life calms down a little I'll work on weaning myself off. There is no Scooter's in Cowden.

Classes are over in one week! Yay! I still like them and will look forward to starting up again in January. But a little break and making some money will be nice.

Other than that...looking forward to going out tonight. Different boy than the aforementioned. Plus I'm making dinner for Jenny and Sean before that, so I had better get some stuff done.

Peace out. Yo.

Random Conviction of the Day: I don't believe one person can change the whole world. I do, however, believe that one person can change someBODY's world; make it better for somebody. Chew on that.

I Am Learning

Here is what I expect to learn this week/Here are all the changes that are happening this week:

1) The Boyds are moving to Illinois. Kind of ironic that Tuesday is my 1-year anniversary of living with them and they are packing up the house Wednesday. Going with them this weekend. Looking forward to that. Not looking forward to coming back to Omaha without them that Monday.

2) Moving in with my bestest friend ever. Moving my stuff Wednesday-ish. It will be glorious living with her, even for that short time.

3) I am in my final couple weeks of classes. 3 weeks left, to be exact. I really want to finish strong. So expect the blogging to be less frequent (I know, I know...it's not really frequent as it is). But I'll do more later. Promise.

4) I am going to learn to pack in less than 48 hours. Haven't done a darn thing. Haha...but not really funny.

Yeah...so I have mixed emotions about the next month or so. I am sad about some of the changes. I am happy about some of them. I am stressed about all of them. I don't do change well. But I will learn.

It will be okay.

Girls' Weekend

FRIDAY!!!! (deep sigh of relief)

This weekend I am meeting all of my sisters in Sioux Falls for a girls' weekend. Shopping, eating, hot tubbing...I'm totally excited! It will be a good time.

I may or may not have bombed my Chemistry test yesterday. But it's my own fault for not studying as I should have. I did study, just not as I should have. =) But I'm not too worried about it. One bad grade. Not the end of the world. Right?

Anywho...I have got some stuff to do before I go, so I'll be back on the blog after the weekend! Have a good one!!

Crohn's Disease

I do not believe in the death penalty. I believe that we should inject all convicted creepos with Crohn's disease. It would be way more punishment. Way worse.

That is all.

Don't Judge Me

I went to the Harry Potter premiere at midnight with a friend from work.

We both worked early this morning at the coffee shop.

I have plans for the rest of the day.

I will hit a wall at some point...and when I do, it will not be good.

Stay tuned for more details.

PS--Harry Potter: read the books, skip the movies. Seriously.

Completely Random

This post is going to be completely random. Follow along closely. You will be quizzed.

1) Joe--I don't often get mentioned in people's facebook statuses either...we're even. Isn't it funny how that just makes you feel special?

2) I am almost finished reading the Chronicles of Narnia. Like...seriously close. Dangerously close, you could say. All seven books. That's a big deal. That's what I do when I should be studying. I'm a dork. I read to procrastinate. Oh brother.

3) I'm going to Sioux Falls this weekend for a sister's weekend. Pretty excited. And it has nothing to do with the fact that we're going to see Harry Potter. Nope. Nothing at all. I am not excited for that. Not even a little teeny tiny smidgen. Spellcheck didn't give me a red underline on that word...I'm surprised. Smidgen. Smidgen.

4) I have another Chemistry test Thursday. I don't even know what I got on the last one yet! Sheesh. No time to breathe.

5) 5 weeks left of classes. Then a couple months of a break while I get settled in my new place of residence (Illinois) and then starting up again in January. That's the plan anyway.

6) This post is dedicated to Jenny Zetterman. Mostly just because she wondered out loud what it would take for her to get mentioned by name and so I said I would. :) But also...you know how some people you know are just easy to talk to? Even though you might not know them very well? Or maybe you are that person. (I'm definitely not. I'm awkward. It's okay...I know this about myself and accept it for what it is.) Anyway...I think that Jenny is one of the easiest people I know to talk to. We've never had any real in depth conversations or anything, but I think it's cool. AND she comments on my posts. More than most of you can say. (I have a counter on this thing...I know who you are...)

7) I take naps. On a regular basis. Not even joking. Pretty much every day. Might be why I don't always sleep well at night, but I don't even care. I like me my naptime. Step off.

8) Apparently I am feeling a little defensive today.

9) How would you feel if you found out your doctor got a B in chemistry? Seriously. I'm not saying I have a B, I'm just wondering.

10) I haven't started packing yet. I'm moving out the end of this month. (And in with my BFF Jennica.) (We're stoked.) Most of my crap is going with the Boyds, minus all my essential needs to survive which I will take with me later when I leave in September. (middle-late)

11) I am going to 2 country music concerts next month. I don't even really like country music. Go figure.

12) I had to really stretch for #10 and #11. I wanted at least ten items. And then I decided it would be so cliche to have exactly ten so I went for eleven. And now as it turns out, I have twelve.

Peace out homies.

Kait

Hi Hi Sorry Sorry

So as it turns out, being even a pre pre-med student = SUPER BUSY.

I've been working about 35 hours a week at the coffee shop, plus my 16 hours of school a week, not to mention all of the studying/trying to study and trying to maintain a semblance of a social life. Insane.

I went to a picnic yesterday for the Boyds. They're moving, so a bunch of their friends got together. It was a really good time. I am usually a very introverted person, but I actually talked with a bunch of the people there without my palms getting too sweaty and feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. And it was actually some of them who inspired me to get my butt back on this blog and post more.

I feel like I am in the midst of making so many life decisions right now. A little overwhelmed by it all. Do I want to be a doctor, or a physicians assistant, or something else? Where do I want to go to school? How much school do I think I can take? Timeframe---do I wait until I have more loans paid off, or will that wait make it too late? (That rhymed.) If I commit to this doctor thing fully, that's giving up the next 8 years of my life. That's a lot of work. That's not a lot of "fun". I am going to have to change a lot of things in my mostly pretty chill lifestyle.

It's a big decision. And it makes my stomach hurt to think about.

And now there is potentially a boy involved...maybe? Haven't decided on that one either.

So if you are running out of things to pray about...how about my stress level, future decisions, and clarity of what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. =)

This post is dedicated to Joe Mathis, who I had a really great conversation with last night. Joe and Angie, I really appreciate you guys a lot, even though we don't talk a whole lot, and love how encouraging you are without even really trying. Thank you =) My next post will be dedicated to Jenny Zetterman. Stay tuned.

In an unrelated note...I think I have carpal tunnel in my wrist from pulling shots at the coffee shop. Seriously.

Summer

Wow...It's already almost the end of June. And I have yet to get a suntan. Ugh.

On the upside...two weeks of classes down...and I still like it. In fact, I am ready to start making/announcing decisions about my future. Ready?

1) I want to be a doctor. Right now I'm thinking pediatrics...maybe surgery or something. Don't really know and I don't think now is the best time to decide. I'll wait until I get more into the classes and stuff, ya know?

2) I am looking into schools with good pre-med programs.

3) I am not going to be staying in Nebraska for that. There are only 2 in Nebraska...both in Omaha. I've been to one, and despised it. The other is super-competitive.

4) There isn't really a 4. I just wanted to make it seem like I've made more decisions.

Sorry all the posts have been short and infrequent. And this one is going to be the same way. I have a Biology test to study for. (4 tests = my grade for the class. That means that tomorrow = 1/4 of my grade. That is stupid. But what are you gonna do, ya know? )

School is definitely easier when you have a career goal in mind. That is my advise to any high schooler thinking about college. In retrospect...I should have taken some time off before going to college. What 18-year-old knows what they want to do for the rest of their life? It's just a ploy to get you to go to school longer and spend more money. Taking time off is under-rated.

School

I think I'm liking it. It's going to be tough...especially Chemistry...but I like it. I am enjoying studying and reading and learning all of it. I like labs. And I LOVE that I'm moving closer and closer to a goal. =)

That's it for now. I'm tirrrred.

Wow

This is a really cool story. Just thought I'd share :)

Click HERE

Update-Worthy

Some facts that are worth the update:

Fact #1- Before eating peanut butter m&ms, I smash them on the table to make them flat. I learned this week that my dad does the EXACT SAME THING.

Fact #2- I start school tomorrow. TOMORROW. Not really starting off on the right foot...I haven't bought books yet and I don't know where my classes are either. But I do have plenty of time tomorrow to go and do all that jazz before my class. Biology and Chemistry. Hey...no time like the present. I'm gonna figure out right off the bat if I can handle this or not.

Fact #2.5- I started researching med schools. =) I like the sound of that.

Fact #3- I finished the outline of my book about my childhood. I started the actual writing. That is exciting to me.

Fact #4- I'm finally starting to feel like myself after weeks of just really NOT feeling like myself. That's a nice feeling.

That's really it. For now. I'm sure once school starts my life will be more interesting. Or at least more hectic. In which case, I'll have more reason to procrastinate and I'll update this more often :)

boring

You guys, I start school next week. Biology and Chemistry. Yikes. And not working quite so much, so if you would like to donate funds to the "Keep Kaitlin Alive" campaign, let me know and I'll give you my address. Or to pay by credit card, I'll give you my PayPal information. =)

Not a whole lot going on lately. I decorated a cake for my friend's graduation party. That was fun. (Taking over the family business...:) My mom's leaving some pretty amazing shoes to fill though. She's like, the Jimmy Choo of cakes.)

My sisters are coming later this week.  That should be fun. CoCo Keys and the zoo. Although, that's a lot of dollars for one week and I don't have that many, so I'll probably just do one or the other.

Other than that...I got nothing. Uninspired. Sorry.

How about you? Any thoughts?

The Young and the Restless

I am restless.

I can't wait for school to start.

That's all I have going on right now, so this is as updated as it gets. =)

I hate titling these.

Thanks Andrew :) You win the prize. And if there was an actual physical prize, I'd give it to you. But, alas, I am a poor college student with debt up the yin-yang. Yet I still find time to blog in between my job and babysitting and all the other things that poor college students with jobs do. So really...you should be giving me the prize. (Gimme props for that turn-around. You're impressed.) (Who am I talking to?)

Tomorrow is my last day of babysitting for the family that I have been babysitting for the last two weeks. I'm not naming any names, but I will tell you that I am looking forward to being done. The extra cash is nice though. But I'd rather have that 3 hours of my day back. These last two weeks have reminded me why I quit nannying. No further comment. I'm sure the kids of the two sets of parents I'm thinking of will turn out just fine...

Sooo...no then?

So either no one tried to comment or it's not fixed. I'm not sure. But until someone tells me, then I'm sorry, I'm not gonna try to fix it anymore.  :)

-School starts in less than a month.

-My favorite shoes have a hole in them. They were $48. And if I want to get another pair, that means another $48. That's a lot of dollars.

-I have been very bothered lately. Don't know why or how to describe it other than that. Just very...irritated? Like, I wanna go into the middle of a wide open field and just yell at the top of my lungs for an extended amount of time. Or beat the crap out of someone. (Without actually hurting them, of course)

-I get to babysit my favorite kiddos tomorrow evening-Thursday morning. That's always a good time. If I'm ever in a funk, they pull me out of it real fast. So it's good to know that for 12+ hours I will be funk-free. :)

-I get to work tomorrow with some pretty cool people. I like that I can say that (almost) every shift I have. It's cool to get along so well with the people I work with. I can honestly say I have never actually been FRIENDS with coworkers before now. Except Valentino's in Norfolk, but those were existing friends and that was WHY I got the job in the first place.

-I bought some really good new music on iTunes today. Good music is wonderful. I love it when I hear a new song that I can listen to over and over again without getting sick of it.

-I decided that I need to learn how to let go of some things. I hang on to stuff pretty tight. That's why I journal. I'm like the opposite of the person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Neither one is good.

-I'm thinking about getting a second job. I'm waiting until school starts so I know what my work schedule will look like so I know what hours I will have available. But I really want to make some good payments on my student loans. I don't want to be paying  off loans forever. That's one of the reasons I want to be a doctor. So that, not only will it be feasible for me to get my loans paid off in my lifetime, but also so I can get them paid off and still have time to go on medical missions trips to Africa and support myself. (Ultimate Goal.)

That's my update. Isn't my life interesting? (that was sarcastic)

Comments

I think I fixed the comments thing so that anyone can comment. Until you do, we'll never know.

What Do I Know? Part Two

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out.

I knew all the stories, and I learned to talk about

how You were mighty to save.

But those were only empty words on a page.

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

God spoke me into being. He calls Himself, "I Am." There are so many different ways to interpret that. He is fire and fury, sacred and beautiful. How on this Earth should I know what "Holy" means? I don't even know what His name means. I cannot fathom a being that can say "Light" and there is light. Except Harry Potter. But that's just a tiny bit of light on the end of a wand. God doesn't have a wand. Not to say He couldn't have one if He wanted one...but I digress.

I have always wanted to use that phrase. But I digress. Again.

Ha

Anyways...back to the point: my point is, I don't know. And neither do you. There is no way for us to wrap our minds around something so great that even just it's name can be interpreted an infinite number of ways. 

Think about this...if you're a Christian...if you're name is in the Book of Life...you are already in heaven. That means that for all you know you could be partying up there right now. That means that those we know who have already died don't have time to miss us...because we are already there. Time means absolutely nothing in heaven.

Time as we know it was created by man. God is on a whole different kind of clock. The proof of that is the fact that we have free will. God has a plan for us. But we can choose to do whatever we want. But He has a plan. But we can differ from the plan. But that's in His plan too. He knows what we are going to do before we do it but there is still the chance that we might change our minds and but He will meet us at the end of whatever path we decide to choose. Even if you take the right one and then hang a U-ey at  the tree of life and cut across the ditch and then turn around again and...yeah. He's already there. Cuz He knows. He planned it. He planned for your plan. I'm trying (to no avail) to make this make sense. BUT IT DOESN'T. BECAUSE I DON'T GET IT. And I never will. And honestly, I don't want to. Can you imagine the headache? Ugh.

And as for the last part of that song...have you ever caught a glimpse? Sometimes when I think about something...there are a few things that stand out..., it takes my breath away at how perfectly planned out it was. Things that I am not even going to try to explain because they won't make sense to anyone else. But even those tiny little things that happen, that take my breath away and that bring me to my knees...even those times that I have experienced what I can only describe as God doing His thing in my life...even though I EXPERIENCED it...I still feel like I don't get it. What do I know of Holy?

Daily Grind

I yawned the day before yesterday and my jaw ground (grinded?) It hurt real bad. Yesterday I could only open my mouth a few centimeters. Today I can go a little wider, but it hurts. And chewing is my least favorite thing to do right now. Thank the Lord for mashed potatoes and for Mindy who makes awesome ones. :)

That's all for now. I gotta research some schools for their pre-med programs. :) My next post will be more on the song I was dissecting. 

Later,

Kait

Reality Check

I went to Metro today to pay for my two summer classes. Kind of nerve-wracking. Two reasons:

1) That is a butt load of money for just two classes. Cheaper than any other school I've gone to in the last four years, but then...I've never paid with a check before either. It just seems like more when you know it's coming out of your account in 1-3 business days. Ugh.

2) I walked onto campus, and it's actually, like, a college campus. Like...real. Not at all like Kaplan. That's not a REAL real college. But this one...there were people studying outside of the bookstore at tables together.

3) I just took a huge step. Guys...I'm going to be a doctor. What in the world am I thinking?

4) I may be out of my mind, but I'm excited about it. And the remedy for the out-of-mindness is listening to Snow Patrol while OCD cleaning my room and doing laundry at midnight. Yeah...

Questions for God

So I read most of these in a book ("A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love and Faith in Stages" by Kristin Chenoweth) and they made me laugh. And I don't feel like getting all deep and philisophical (that's spelled wrong...) to continue with the song lyrics tonight because I'm inexplicably tired (took a kick-butt 2 hours nap today. It was heavenly.) It sounds like something me and Jenny would make a list of. It's a list of questions to ask God when I meet Him: (I'm leaving some of hers out and adding some of my own. Feel free to comment with your own.)

1) Who killed JonBenet? And does she pretty much own the pageant circuit up here?

2) Did Marilyn kill herself or was it a Kennedy?

3) Did Lee Harvey Oswald really act alone?

4) Why is forgiveness so dang hard?

5) Why is slapstick so dang funny?

6) Who is the sadistic genius behind cellulite? Lord, please tell me you did not have anything to do with that.

7) What if you made it so that hate would cause hemorrhoids? Just an idea.

8) Did you really know that was going to happen? Did it make you laugh when you thought of that?

9) Why are stupid people so bound and determined to break into my Scooters? Twice in one weekend? Seriously?? Tell me the truth...was it someone from Starbucks? Or maybe some disgruntled Crane coffee peeps? (haha...at first I accidentally typed poops. shut up...I live with 3 young children. And Tim. And Mindy, for that matter. I think poop is funny now. And I am not ashamed.)

toooooo tired to finish....more to come. Or some more lyric interpretation tomorrow. whatev.

Peace

The First Verse

So guess what? I don't have it all figured out. But this is what I do know, for fact (and some added color commentary):

-There is a God. (Did you know that the only reason Albert Einstein--smartest man ever, besides Tim Boyd---wasn't a "Christian" was because after going to a few different churches, he said that the God they were preaching was not big enough to be the God of the Universe.)
-That God, for some reason beyond human understanding, created humans...and loves us so much he wants us to spend eternity with Him.
-Pretty much since the beginning of time, there has been this system set up where the only way to atone for anything you've done wrong would be to offer a sacrifice to God.
-Human beings started to really suck.
-That made God sad...cuz He wants us to spend eternity with Him, and there weren't enough goats to kill, so that dream of His was getting to be less and less likely.
-He decided that the only way it would be possible would be to send His Son to live here and be the ultimate sacrifice so that whoever followed His example and loved Him could end up carrying out God's ultimate plan.
-Basically. Very basically.

And that's it. That's all I know.

I've made You promises a thousand times.

I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time.

I think I made You too small.

I've never feared You at all, no.

If You touched my face, would I know You?

Or looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

I have come across a lot of people who think they know more. Who think they could take it if God looked them square in the eyes. But I find that I have the most respect and trust in the people who say, "I am not smart, but here's what I think..."

This first verse of this song is the one that really got me hooked. It's exactly me.

I've made You promises a thousand times. Check
I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time. Check.
I think I made You too small. Check. Check. Check.
I never feared You at all. Check.

And although I'd never really thought about it like this before, in some way or another, I have thought, if He was right here, would I know Him? And I have never doubted that if He looked me in the eyes I would pee my pants and start hyperventilating. Or something.

I'm not a preachy person. This post sounds kinda preachy. But it's just me...thinking onto a computer. Word vomit, basically. And admitting to all 3 people who read this that I know nothing.

What do I know?

I tend to relate the best to songs that have wonderful lyrics about how so incredibly imperfect we are.

My current favorite (and it is to be noted that it has been a current favorite for over a month now. big deal.): "What Do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road. I'm gonna post the lyrics here before I go to bed and then I thought it'd be kinda cool, since I'm kind of a music-oriented person, if I go back through a few more times and point somethings out and elaborate on some other things in relation to my life. It's hard to come up with new ideas for a blog all the time, so I'll do this over the course of several posts. Feel free to comment.

Here are the lyrics, and I strongly encourage you to legally purchase and download it off of iTunes or buy the CD or whatev.

What Do I Know of Holy

-Addison Road

I've made You promises a thousand times.

I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time.

I think I made You too small.

I've never feared You at all, no.

If You touched my face, would I know You?

Or looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out.

I knew all the stories, and I learned to talk about

how You were mighty to save.

But those were only empty words on a page.

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?

And a God who gave life it's name?

What do I know of Holy?

Of the One who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your Name,

on earth and heaven above.

What do I know of this Love?

So what do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

Lord, what do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

I been sick

So... 

for the 4th time in less than a year, I got some sort of flu type bug and was totally flattened for an entire day and a half. I seriously felt like death. Not even...I felt like if death and hell had a baby and that baby grew up and married the daughter of vomit. I'm a death/hell vomit baby. That's bad news bears. BUT I'm better now. I think. I mean, it's been a few hours since I last felt as though my time was up, so that's improvement, right?

Other than that, nothing else has happened. Literally. I slept for almost 2 full days. Lots of dreams happened. A lot involving animals and my need to save them or find them. Weird. I don't even really like animals. Except puppies and kittens. I like those. But I'm talking horses here. Very odd indeed.

Anywho, I'm thinking about investing in vitamins.  Any suggestions?

The man

So I worked for 7 hours today and it was insanely busy. Ca-razy. It got up to about 85 degrees today...everyone wanted smoothies or iced coffees. Fun times. I like being busy at work.

I had this one customer who called me "kid" once and then as he was leaving said, "You the man...er, wo-man...". I took it as a compliment.

I can finally hear out of both ears again!! Woooohooooo!! I was genuinely concerned there for a while...(I had an ear infection and was thus, completely deaf for a good few weeks after that. Plus, I had the flu for a day WHILE I had an ear infection and couldn't hear. NOT fun. Not fun at all.) But it's back, which is wonderful. Now I'm just looking forward to getting over the effects of the steroids I had to take (to get the hearing back.) This would involve not being hungry all the freaking time and actually being able to sleep--fall asleep, stay asleep, and not have weird dreams so that the sleep I do get is actually restful. I can't even describe these dreams, basically because I don't remember them, but for whatever reason I go through the next day being totally weirded out by random things. I don't enjoy it.

I was looking back at some old journals today. A year ago today, I was hating my job as a nanny. A year ago from tomorrow I was loving my job as a nanny. I really miss those kids.

Two years ago today, I was introduced to the idea of going to Africa.

Three years ago today, I was in Philosophy class at Creighton taking notes for the final...3 levels of existence, foundational beliefs (I exist, I think, I seem to perceive), rationalists, empiricists, Galileo, etc.

Four years ago today I was in high school dreading graduation. I, like very few others I know, loved high school and my friends and everything that went along with it. I still miss it sometimes, actually. Just popping by a friend's house, sitting on the roof, haybales, looking at the stars, "deep" conversations about stupid things...those were the days, man.

Five years ago today...I didn't journal. Not on a regular basis, anyway. But four years of consistency is really good for me. I don't really follow through or keep up with much, so it's pretty cool.

Anyway...just thought that was interesting.

I wish...

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I wish I had written it.

It's an actual essay written by a student who now attends NYU (the college he supposedly wrote the essay for.) 

Uh-mazing.

3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplisments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat . 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Life...

Well, I think I am finally going to update. Lots and lots has happened. Although I will admit I don't remember most of it and you won't care about the majority of what I do remember. That SO makes you want to finish reading this, doesn't it? Doesn't it? Haha...

WELL...here's the good ol' update:

-I am no longer working as a manager of a Scooter's, nor will I be again. I want to go on record as saying that Boundless Enterprises (the company that owns most, but not all, of the Scooter's around) treats their employees like crap and have no morals or ethics and so I quit. And people should stop going to the stores they own. If you want a list of those stores, I would be more than happy to provide it. =) But I'm not bitter. No, really. I just don't support crappy business owners. Meanwhile, come to the Scooter's on 120th and Blondo. The owners are awesome and fair and it rocks. =)

-I am working at the Scooter's on 120th and Blondo. And I like it.


-While I have thoroughly enjoyed my year off of school and just kind of bumming around, living the dream, working at a coffeeshop...surprise, surprise...I am restless. So after months and months of realizing this and debating about what to do next, where to go from here....I am going back to school. I am taking a couple summer science courses. If those go well, I am planning on going premed with the goal of being a baby doctor. I don't know yet if I want to deliver them or take care of them once they're born or do surgery on them...but I'll figure that out when it needs to be figured out. For now I'm just focusing on the fact that I am taking Chemistry and Biology this summer. I realize that my past track record has included the phrase, "I loathe school" almost constantly every single day, but I have never had a goal career in mind. And I never really liked business classes, it just seemed like a good general degree to have.

-I'd prefer not to get any reactions to this. I have an issue with living inside my head, so I don't want to get too excited in case I hate my summer classes. And I don't need any more negativity. I just don't want people to think that I'm planning on living in a basement working at a coffeeshop, telling people to pull forward for the rest of my life. I do have goals.

-This plan also gives me the hope of more opportunity to go back to Africa. Just going to throw that out there.

-I am still loving living with the Boyds. I love having little sisters and a little brother. And Tim and Mindy have been such a major blessing to be around every day. Eden cried last Friday when I left for Lincoln, Grace thinks my last name should be Boyd and Will gives me crap for falling asleep on the couch. And I redecorated the basement (my part of it) and it looks pretty cool. More homey for me. Homies.

-Obviously, I am not moving to San Diego in January. =)

-I am still single and not really looking. Not saying never, but I'm not out on a mission to find a husband. So stop asking. You know who you are. =)

-I am in the beginning stages of writing 3 books. One is with my best friend Jenny...probably will never be published cuz no one else will get it. One is by myself about growing up the youngest of 4 girls. My sisters are scared. I finally have an upper hand. Karma's a bitch. Haha...kidding. There's nothing for them to be afraid of. And one is a young adult fiction book with my sister Chandra. It's going to be pretty sweet, if I do say so myself. But those two won't be done for a long time, so don't get too excited. But it has become my main hobby, so I thought if I am doing a complete update and I actually remembered that, then I should mention it. Like I said, you might not care. That's ok.

-That's really about it. But I feel like a lot more has happened. Stay tuned for more details.