The First Verse

So guess what? I don't have it all figured out. But this is what I do know, for fact (and some added color commentary):

-There is a God. (Did you know that the only reason Albert Einstein--smartest man ever, besides Tim Boyd---wasn't a "Christian" was because after going to a few different churches, he said that the God they were preaching was not big enough to be the God of the Universe.)
-That God, for some reason beyond human understanding, created humans...and loves us so much he wants us to spend eternity with Him.
-Pretty much since the beginning of time, there has been this system set up where the only way to atone for anything you've done wrong would be to offer a sacrifice to God.
-Human beings started to really suck.
-That made God sad...cuz He wants us to spend eternity with Him, and there weren't enough goats to kill, so that dream of His was getting to be less and less likely.
-He decided that the only way it would be possible would be to send His Son to live here and be the ultimate sacrifice so that whoever followed His example and loved Him could end up carrying out God's ultimate plan.
-Basically. Very basically.

And that's it. That's all I know.

I've made You promises a thousand times.

I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time.

I think I made You too small.

I've never feared You at all, no.

If You touched my face, would I know You?

Or looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

I have come across a lot of people who think they know more. Who think they could take it if God looked them square in the eyes. But I find that I have the most respect and trust in the people who say, "I am not smart, but here's what I think..."

This first verse of this song is the one that really got me hooked. It's exactly me.

I've made You promises a thousand times. Check
I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time. Check.
I think I made You too small. Check. Check. Check.
I never feared You at all. Check.

And although I'd never really thought about it like this before, in some way or another, I have thought, if He was right here, would I know Him? And I have never doubted that if He looked me in the eyes I would pee my pants and start hyperventilating. Or something.

I'm not a preachy person. This post sounds kinda preachy. But it's just me...thinking onto a computer. Word vomit, basically. And admitting to all 3 people who read this that I know nothing.

What do I know?

I tend to relate the best to songs that have wonderful lyrics about how so incredibly imperfect we are.

My current favorite (and it is to be noted that it has been a current favorite for over a month now. big deal.): "What Do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road. I'm gonna post the lyrics here before I go to bed and then I thought it'd be kinda cool, since I'm kind of a music-oriented person, if I go back through a few more times and point somethings out and elaborate on some other things in relation to my life. It's hard to come up with new ideas for a blog all the time, so I'll do this over the course of several posts. Feel free to comment.

Here are the lyrics, and I strongly encourage you to legally purchase and download it off of iTunes or buy the CD or whatev.

What Do I Know of Holy

-Addison Road

I've made You promises a thousand times.

I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time.

I think I made You too small.

I've never feared You at all, no.

If You touched my face, would I know You?

Or looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out.

I knew all the stories, and I learned to talk about

how You were mighty to save.

But those were only empty words on a page.

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?

And a God who gave life it's name?

What do I know of Holy?

Of the One who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your Name,

on earth and heaven above.

What do I know of this Love?

So what do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

Lord, what do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

I been sick

So... 

for the 4th time in less than a year, I got some sort of flu type bug and was totally flattened for an entire day and a half. I seriously felt like death. Not even...I felt like if death and hell had a baby and that baby grew up and married the daughter of vomit. I'm a death/hell vomit baby. That's bad news bears. BUT I'm better now. I think. I mean, it's been a few hours since I last felt as though my time was up, so that's improvement, right?

Other than that, nothing else has happened. Literally. I slept for almost 2 full days. Lots of dreams happened. A lot involving animals and my need to save them or find them. Weird. I don't even really like animals. Except puppies and kittens. I like those. But I'm talking horses here. Very odd indeed.

Anywho, I'm thinking about investing in vitamins.  Any suggestions?

The man

So I worked for 7 hours today and it was insanely busy. Ca-razy. It got up to about 85 degrees today...everyone wanted smoothies or iced coffees. Fun times. I like being busy at work.

I had this one customer who called me "kid" once and then as he was leaving said, "You the man...er, wo-man...". I took it as a compliment.

I can finally hear out of both ears again!! Woooohooooo!! I was genuinely concerned there for a while...(I had an ear infection and was thus, completely deaf for a good few weeks after that. Plus, I had the flu for a day WHILE I had an ear infection and couldn't hear. NOT fun. Not fun at all.) But it's back, which is wonderful. Now I'm just looking forward to getting over the effects of the steroids I had to take (to get the hearing back.) This would involve not being hungry all the freaking time and actually being able to sleep--fall asleep, stay asleep, and not have weird dreams so that the sleep I do get is actually restful. I can't even describe these dreams, basically because I don't remember them, but for whatever reason I go through the next day being totally weirded out by random things. I don't enjoy it.

I was looking back at some old journals today. A year ago today, I was hating my job as a nanny. A year ago from tomorrow I was loving my job as a nanny. I really miss those kids.

Two years ago today, I was introduced to the idea of going to Africa.

Three years ago today, I was in Philosophy class at Creighton taking notes for the final...3 levels of existence, foundational beliefs (I exist, I think, I seem to perceive), rationalists, empiricists, Galileo, etc.

Four years ago today I was in high school dreading graduation. I, like very few others I know, loved high school and my friends and everything that went along with it. I still miss it sometimes, actually. Just popping by a friend's house, sitting on the roof, haybales, looking at the stars, "deep" conversations about stupid things...those were the days, man.

Five years ago today...I didn't journal. Not on a regular basis, anyway. But four years of consistency is really good for me. I don't really follow through or keep up with much, so it's pretty cool.

Anyway...just thought that was interesting.

I wish...

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I wish I had written it.

It's an actual essay written by a student who now attends NYU (the college he supposedly wrote the essay for.) 

Uh-mazing.

3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplisments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat . 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Life...

Well, I think I am finally going to update. Lots and lots has happened. Although I will admit I don't remember most of it and you won't care about the majority of what I do remember. That SO makes you want to finish reading this, doesn't it? Doesn't it? Haha...

WELL...here's the good ol' update:

-I am no longer working as a manager of a Scooter's, nor will I be again. I want to go on record as saying that Boundless Enterprises (the company that owns most, but not all, of the Scooter's around) treats their employees like crap and have no morals or ethics and so I quit. And people should stop going to the stores they own. If you want a list of those stores, I would be more than happy to provide it. =) But I'm not bitter. No, really. I just don't support crappy business owners. Meanwhile, come to the Scooter's on 120th and Blondo. The owners are awesome and fair and it rocks. =)

-I am working at the Scooter's on 120th and Blondo. And I like it.


-While I have thoroughly enjoyed my year off of school and just kind of bumming around, living the dream, working at a coffeeshop...surprise, surprise...I am restless. So after months and months of realizing this and debating about what to do next, where to go from here....I am going back to school. I am taking a couple summer science courses. If those go well, I am planning on going premed with the goal of being a baby doctor. I don't know yet if I want to deliver them or take care of them once they're born or do surgery on them...but I'll figure that out when it needs to be figured out. For now I'm just focusing on the fact that I am taking Chemistry and Biology this summer. I realize that my past track record has included the phrase, "I loathe school" almost constantly every single day, but I have never had a goal career in mind. And I never really liked business classes, it just seemed like a good general degree to have.

-I'd prefer not to get any reactions to this. I have an issue with living inside my head, so I don't want to get too excited in case I hate my summer classes. And I don't need any more negativity. I just don't want people to think that I'm planning on living in a basement working at a coffeeshop, telling people to pull forward for the rest of my life. I do have goals.

-This plan also gives me the hope of more opportunity to go back to Africa. Just going to throw that out there.

-I am still loving living with the Boyds. I love having little sisters and a little brother. And Tim and Mindy have been such a major blessing to be around every day. Eden cried last Friday when I left for Lincoln, Grace thinks my last name should be Boyd and Will gives me crap for falling asleep on the couch. And I redecorated the basement (my part of it) and it looks pretty cool. More homey for me. Homies.

-Obviously, I am not moving to San Diego in January. =)

-I am still single and not really looking. Not saying never, but I'm not out on a mission to find a husband. So stop asking. You know who you are. =)

-I am in the beginning stages of writing 3 books. One is with my best friend Jenny...probably will never be published cuz no one else will get it. One is by myself about growing up the youngest of 4 girls. My sisters are scared. I finally have an upper hand. Karma's a bitch. Haha...kidding. There's nothing for them to be afraid of. And one is a young adult fiction book with my sister Chandra. It's going to be pretty sweet, if I do say so myself. But those two won't be done for a long time, so don't get too excited. But it has become my main hobby, so I thought if I am doing a complete update and I actually remembered that, then I should mention it. Like I said, you might not care. That's ok.

-That's really about it. But I feel like a lot more has happened. Stay tuned for more details.